Couples Communication - Sylvia's Story

A couple of years ago, as part of my Family and Marriage studies, we did some assignments dealing with couples communication. Psychologists have come up with a couple of models of what effective communication looks like for couples, calling them the Awareness Wheel and Listening Cycle.The previous links go to a couple of pages at Momentum Counseling Services that do a good job of explaining what those are, so I won't go into detail, here. What I do want to share is a portion of an interview I did for that class. It was as a way to practice using the principles behind the Awareness Wheel and Listening Cycle, and to demonstrate some competence. It was with a young woman I will call Sylvia. Her name was changed to protect her anonymity.

Just so you know, I think the principles involved go well beyond just couples. I think they are appropriate for any situation where more than casual communication is desired. Not all communications need to be deep. Some kinds of communications work best when superficial. This just doesn't apply as well to them, as it does more intimate sharing.

Awareness Wheel and Listening Cycle - Sylvia

Sylvia was concerned about her future. As an 18-year-old young woman, living in a rural area, she had been unable to find a regular job. She had done the occasional baby-sitting job for neighbors, but nothing regular, and nothing that paid well. The prospect of graduating from high school and attending college excited her, she wanted to study illustration, but not being able to get a job meant that she wouldn’t be able to pay for college or basic living expenses without taking out grants and costly loans.

Sylvia had learned from her teachers that, in the future, there will be less available jobs that didn’t need a college degree. She had also been warned against going into debt by various adults in her life. Her parent’s income was modest, bordering on the poverty level. She had seen them struggle to pay off their own debts, and pay the bills in general. She had also seen her older friends, who had moved away from home, struggle financially. Many of them had low paying jobs and some has lost their jobs.

Because of her own experience in trying to secure work, and the experiences of others in her life, she decided that she must start gaining work experience while still in high school, or she would be unable to secure a job as a college student. This would severely compromise her plans to study illustration. School costs money. While her parents had promised to help her in any way they could, paying her application fees and other fees as much as possible, they would be unable to pay her tuition costs.

The problem, she thought, was creating a reason for people to hire her. Her grades were good and she had basic skills most jobs require. She even had a food handlers permit, required for most work in the food service industry. What she lacked was the work experience that many employers were asking for. How could she get experience if she couldn’t get a job to get the experience with?

Sylvia was beginning to feel desperate. It made her frightened to think that she may have to give up her plans to go to school and get a degree. This compounded her fear and frustration because she knew that, as an adult, not having a degree would compromise her ability to make money as an adult. She was afraid of moving out on her own, and becoming a functioning adult, if she couldn’t find financial security.

Financial security and independence were important to Sylvia. She knew that she may qualify for various grants and scholarships, but she was afraid she would likely have to take out large student loans if she couldn’t find gainful employment while in college. She didn’t want to use her parents as a crutch in life, burdening them with undo costs. Living in poverty was unacceptable, as well. Instead, wanted a comfortable home, filled with the things she loved.

In spite of her previous failures at securing employment, to achieve her goals, Sylvia would continue to apply for work, even tasks that she wouldn’t normally enjoy doing, like working in fast food restaurants or housekeeping or cleaning jobs. She would also seek out and apply for grants and scholarships for school that she would not be required to pay back, both public and private. As a high school senior she had taken some classes in cosmetology and may take her first year in college to finish a cosmetology license. This would allow her to work as a cosmetologist while she pursues her studies in art. Because struggling as an artist did not appeal to her, she has decided to take a minor in business. This way, she will be able to better address the business side of art, increasing her chances of being more successful, financially.

Conducting the Interview

In conducting the interview with Sylvia (not her real name), I used a combination of explorative listening and attentive listening styles. I tried to use mostly open-ended questions, inviting her to give me details. Questions such as: “How are you feeling about moving away from home?” and “Where did you learn that you needed a degree to get a job?” helped her open up to me and think about details that went beyond her surface thoughts. I also used questions such as, “What do you think about that problem?,” “What do you want to get out of school?” and “What will you do about getting a job?” In some cases I simply said, “Tell me more about that.”

In order to make sure I was referencing all aspects of the awareness wheel, I kept a text document open on my computer with the different areas of the awareness wheel listed as headings. I was then able to keep track of her answers and direct my questions to make sure I was getting a full picture of the issue. She knew I was doing this for an assignment, and we had talked about this issue in more casual styles in the past, she said she was comfortable with me taking notes in this way.

As she would give me answers to my questions, adding details to her original answers, I would switch to an attentive listening style. I would summarize what she had said and ask her if that was what she meant. I also kept watch on her body language, tension in her eyes, shifts in her position or gaze. I would often ask a follow-up question about those shifts related to her feelings: “Does that make you feel scared?” She would often open up more as I acknowledged her emotional states and experience, showing her that I respected her and would not judge her actions or feelings about the issue. I never interrupted her.

My Own Experience

While I was certainly assigned to do this interview, Sylvia is someone I care deeply about. We had spoken before about her current problems surrounding her transition from high-school to college, and from late childhood to emerging adulthood. My goal, then, besides finishing the assignment, was to better understand her and what she was going through, as well as help her understand her problem better, herself. I believe that talking through a problem in this non-judgment way with someone you trust will often help you see he problem in a different light, and reveal solutions that you hadn’t previously thought of. Indeed, it may show that what you thought was the original issue, may not have been the source of anxiety at all, but a deeper desire for something else entirely. She was very willing to speak to me, and chose the subject herself, without any prompting on my behalf.

Because I wanted to help her find a solution, as well, it was difficult to not “butt in” with my own ideas. The point was to draw us closer together and increase understanding, not impose my own thoughts or desires for her into the mix. To my pleasant surprise, she brought up a few things I had thought about on her own. Although I have my own feelings of what should be a priority for these actions, I left it alone in favor of letting her solve the problem herself. She may decide to ask me about them later, she may not. I practiced holding my tongue and I hope it will get easier the more I do it. We both expressed thoughts and feelings of being happy about the way the interview went and I made sure to thank her for talking with me in such an open way, as well as helping me with my assignment.

As I practice these methods of communication, I hope they will become second nature to me. That way, my conversations will naturally be more effective, and more fulfilling.

Improvisation and Insight

I'm totally digging my music therapy classes. They are personally insightful, professionally needed, and just plain fun. In my Music Therapy Ensemble class this semester, we were assigned to to some solo improvisation on a few instruments that we were drawn to, and with our voice. We were asked to be spontaneous, coming up with whatever we wanted (non-referential improvisation) and to try and improvise in the "style" of some emotion, such as joy, love, or anger. We were also tasked with picking an instrument that reflected our true selves, and one that reflected our ideal selves, and improvise on that. We reported the experience in a reflection paper. Here's mine.

Individual Improvisation Exploration

 Improvisation has been a long time coming for me. It has surprised me, frustrated me, and at times let me touch the sublime. It has also let me connect with others, gaining understand I might not have otherwise had. It has given me insight into myself.

Personal Experiences with Improvisation

Being comfortable and competent when improvising is certainly a goal of mine. Before coming to school, I got quite comfortable improvising on the trumpet. I played with a quartet and it was part and parcel of the gig. I never translated that expertise to other instruments, however. Until now, I never tried improvising on percussion instruments. In a group, however, with someone else's riffs to build on, I feel safe and inspired. I hear their playing and get lost in the shared creation, trading riffs and taking turns being “in front.” The level of communication is amazing, given that it is entirely non-verbal.

Improvising alone is another matter. This may be due to the fact that alone, I usually play a pitched instrument. They seem to demand melodies and harmonies from me. Drums, on the other hand, make no such demands. Instead, they allow me to let go of that and play with rhythm, accents, dynamics, meter, tempo and groove.

Still, playing together can sometimes have a downside. I discovered this when my daughter came in and spontaneously started playing the drums with me. I enjoy making music with my kids, and we don't do it often enough, so I didn't stop her. When I was ready to end, but she was not, it got frustrating, though. Her playing spoke to me about her as much as her daily activities did. It was annoying, enlightening, and fun all at the same time.

Referential vs. Non-referential Improvisation

The difficulty of “getting into it” with pitched instruments marked my experience with referential improvisation, as well. I have to make is sound like something. It's harder to force the music to conform to an intellectual thought. When it's an emotion like anger, fear, or sorrow, I may not want to dig deep enough to make myself feel that way. Then the improvisation becomes an intellectual task, and I feel disconnected with the music. That's something for me to work on.

Non-referential improvisation was much easier. The sounds come from within, perhaps from my unconscious mind. It presents ideas and I get to play with them, shaping them like a child might playdough. An idea is created, modified, and then I get to wipe it out and start over with something else without having to care. Transience is celebrated.

Instrumental vs. Vocal Improvisation

I played with a few instruments: guitar, piano, and a small collection of hand drums. Playing the guitar was the most difficult, perhaps because it is not an instrument I have yet mastered. Still, itt was fun when I started playing with various chords, strumming patterns and rhythms. Then my lack of experience would rear its head and take me out of the groove. The piano was similar, but I felt more confident with it, and was able to create more passable results. I was certainly able to create pieces more relaxing, and more majestic, on the piano. The drums were just plain fun. My inner “jazz man” got to come out and play. It occurred to me, after the fact, that there's no reason those fun grooves can't come to play on the piano, as well.

Vocal improvisation came easily. I found myself spontaneously adding melodic vocal lines when improvising on guitar. Vocal improvisation is not foreign to me at all. It is often the first instrument I turn to when musical ideas for composition strike me, and I'm away from paper, computer, or piano.

Improvising Lyrics

Lyrics were quite another matter. I often make up silly lyrics on the spot, to known melodies, just to make my children laugh. We used to sing to each other instead of talking, when doing chores around the house. “It's time to clean your room, please. It's time to clean your room.” I might sing, in an overly dramatic, operatic voice. “No, Daddy, it's not. I need to eat my breakfast first,” or more often, “Do I have to?,” they might reply, smiling. Putting myself on the spot, even though I was alone, was more difficult. I couldn't think of much to say about myself that wasn't critical. “John is a fat man, trying to go to school,” and so on. Recognizing it, I immediately forced more positive lyrics, “He's dedicated to his music, and helping other people. He'll see this course to the end.” Perhaps I am too aware of my shortcomings, and don't give myself enough credit for my abilities.

Improvising on the Self

That notion, how do I reflect myself in improvisation, didn't start very well because of those lyrics. It was hard to choose an instrument to represent my real self, and my ideal self. In the end, I could only think of the piano. A part of me would love to someday sit down at a bank of synthesizers and improvise like Vangelis, but the piano is often enough.

Sometimes, when I hear other, more talented players in class, I feel jealous or discouraged. They are so good! I feel like a pretender. There are other times, however, when I'm pretty damn good. At those times, the piano and I become one being, indistinct from each other. The experience dwells in the spiritual and speaks of the sublime. But that is not often.

Improvisation is a spontaneous act of musical creation, and although I struggle with certain aspects of it, I also revel in it. It makes me feel connected to others, and can sometimes be a tool to tap into inner realms where thought and creation exist in the same space and time.

Downsizing

I live in a cinder block cave. The three bedroom apartment we now live in has cinder block walls, and a bit more than one-quarter of the square footage our house did. The master bedroom is only a bit smaller than the one we had before, and one of the bedrooms is about the same size as the smallest bedroom we used to have, although it has more closet space. The final bedroom is about the size of a walk-in closet. There's barely enough room for my middle daughter's bed and shelves. We put her dresser in the closet so it wouldn't block the outside window. If we could get her to keep her room clean, it might seem bigger than it is.

There is a small closet in the living room that is plumbed to hold a small washing machine. It's barely big enough to hold the washer, and close the door. I had to get new hoses, with 90 degree connectors, to get it to fit, though.

 There's a spot for a gas dryer, as well. Outside on the porch. I've hung clothes outside to dry, but never taken them to an outside dryer. Its' pretty well protected from the elements by the upstairs balcony and a dividing wall, but I think I'm going to get a tarp to cover it, with winter coming along. There's also small storage room, just off the back porch, opposite the dryer. Trust me when I say it's packed to the ceiling.

 The kitchen has taken the most adjusting. It's tiny. The refrigerator (standard size), sink (two basin) and oven/stove are butted up against each other, wrapping around the corner the sink sits in. On the other side of the stove is a counter top about the size of a movable chopping block. That's it. No more built in counter space.

 To cope, we've gotten creative. There are, thankfully, plenty of cupboards that go nearly to the ceiling. There was also room for us to stack a few large storage buckets in one corner, and put in a freestanding shelf against the wall, opposite the stove. We've also turned an aquarium stand into a microwave stand. Putting the cut-out from a sink installation on top has given us a bit more counter space. The bread-machine lives under the microwave, on the floor.

 Parking is weird, too. It's been many years since I lived in an apartment, and at least those had assigned parking. Not so, here. There is resident parking, but I'm not guaranteed to have a space of my own. There are a few parking lots adjacent to our complex, but the one that's closest to our apartment is shared by the football stadium. Every time there's a home game, I have to move our van so the university can sell the parking space to some rabid football fan for $10.00. I also can't get to my apartment easily because the close down the street that runs in front of it. All the better to control access to the game and sell the almighty football tickets.*

 In spite of how different it all is, we're getting used to it. The university shuttles are reasonable, at least during the day, and the city has free public buses. The routes and stops are a little screwy, but we're coping. The kids have made friends very quickly, the neighbors are nice, and I love my classes. My wife and I have both found work. It doesn't pay as much as we really need it to, but at least we're employed. All in all, I'd have to say my life is pretty good. Busy. Weird, when compared to our old life, but good. Now if I could just find more time to update my blogs, regularly.

 *In case you're wondering, I really don't like American football. Yeah, it's nice when the college team wins, but to be honest, that doesn't happen very often.

Running Scared

In case you didn’t figure it out, my family is moving to another city so my wife and I can finish school. We’re quitting our jobs, trying to sell our house, packing up the family, and moving into a three bedroom apartment. Neither of us has a job lined up or any idea how we’ll keep up with our rent and utilities if we don’t get one, although my wife has an interview set up. I’ve never done that before. I’ve always had a job during a move. In fact, the only time I’ve ever moved as been because of employment, not in spite of it. I’m scared witless, but for a reason I can’t fathom, we’re going through with it, anyway.

The security-craving part of my brain is going ape-shit. It’s like I’m talking to myself, “Self! What in heaven’s name are you thinking? You’re acting like an idiot.” The adventurous side of my brain is saying, “Wow! Think about it, Self! You’ve freed yourself to work on music full-time!” I can’t decide which one is screaming louder.

I can dream pretty well: releasing and marketing a solo piano CD, playing clubs and coffee shops, setting up a piano trio/quartet with some other students, getting involved in the local arts scene, teaching and doing something concrete with music therapy. Maybe I’ll write a book or create an online course.

I can frighten myself pretty well, too: how are we going to pay the rent if we can’t make a decent wage, how can I get a job given how scattered my schedule is, how will this effect my two youngest daughters, let alone my other children, how will I deal maintain the connections I want to maintain in Salt Lake and Tooele if I’m living in Logan, and so on. What if this makes us homeless and I have quit school?

I admit it, I would love to play the house husband, work on my music, and let my wife work as the full-time bread-winner. She’s planning on it, but she has a few classes to go to finish her degree, and I don’t want that to go by the wayside because of fear. It’s not fair to her or to our daughters. Either way, the adventure begins this weekend.

P.S. If you’d like to help us move, show up Saturday morning and help us load the truck. If you’re in Logan, you can show up at Aggie Village and help us unpack. Any help is appreciated.

Upheaval

Last semester went well. Surprisingly, I got straight “A’s” for the second semester in a row and have a current GPA at USU of 4.0. Anyone who knows me from childhood has either fainted or reported me to the FBI to find out exactly when I was replaced by an alien doppelganger. I can sympathize with them. While I’ve never been overly stupid, good grades and I never got along when I was younger. I think it was all the boredom and skipping classes in high school, but I’m not ruling anything out.

To put things in perspective, though, I’ve only been going part time. I’ve also been at an extension campus with rather small class sizes. This is all about to change. In about a month my wife and I will be moving to the main campus so both of us can finish our degrees. We’ve put our house up for sale, started getting rid of our excess stuff, and generally been making a mess. We’re moving with into an apartment about half the size of our current house. I’ve been telling everyone it’s like we’re losing our basement.

Miraculously, I’ve saved enough money to fix most of my teeth. I’ve been visiting the dentist every other week for a while, and it’s not quite over, but should be in a couple of weeks.

To make things more chaotic, and here’s the scary part, as you know, I had surgery on my hands:  bilateral carpal tunnel release. Not fun. Needless to say, that has slowed things down on the move, at least for my part. My hands are starting to feel better, though. That’s the good part.

The effects of such personal upheaval are an increase in personal and familial stress, increased orneriness, and general feelings of hate, fright, discontent and a fair amount of humility. It could be humiliation, though. I’m not sure.

 

Through the Carpel Tunnel

 Two days ago I had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery. Not very fun, you can imagine. I have splints on both wrists, I can't grab anything without pain, and I feel generally miserable. 

I decided to take a week off from work so that I can more fully recovered from surgery. Yes, the doctor said that it would only take a few days before I could get back to work, but I chose to take the week off. My boss isn't happy about that, but I can't make any mistakes with this surgery. Being a pianist and a small time guitar picker, I simply have no choice. The surgery has to work for me. I lost my ability to play the trumpet to Bell's palsy, I'll be damned if I'm going to give the rest up to carpal tunnel syndrome.

While lounging around and being waited on hand and foot for a week sounded like a good idea, the reality is far less appealing. The humiliation of needing help with the toilet, and just about everything else, coupled with sheer boredom, and was pretty much put it damper in any kind of fun I might be having.

To fight the boredom, I'm talking to my iPad in an attempt to do something productive, like update my blog. I'm using a dictation program to post this. Not being able to use my hands very well, I'm coming to appreciate both a touch screen and voice command. Dictation programs being what they are, I'm using the touchscreen to edit it as much as I am recording.

Fortunately for me, days of slicing your hand wide-open for this malady are far behind. For me, it was a very small incision by my wrist. I've only got a couple of stitches in each wrist. What I do have is a severe case of body odor. I really need a shower, but my wife seems reluctant to pursue the inevitable sponge bath. She acts like she's tired, but I really think it's avoidance. You know, the "Not tonight, dear. I have a headache." kind of avoidance. After a few more days of intense stink, she may give in. 

If my boss thinks about things from that perspective, maybe she won't feel so bad about me taking the week off.

Why I Hate Sociologists and Why We Need Them

I’m taking an Introduction to Sociology class this year. I actually took this class many years ago when I was working on my first Bachelors degree, but that was back under a “quarter” system, and I didn’t want to worry about translating those credits to a semester system. Besides, it was just more convenient for a required credit for my second degree.

My current text has driven home a fundamental issue for me, my love-hate relationship with sociologists, and sociology. Don’t get me wrong. I’m doing pretty darned well in the class. I’ve aced most of the assignments and exams I’ve had so far. I just have a problem with calling some of what sociologists do “science.”

Sociology is the only branch of science I’ve encountered that claims it’s okay to let your own feelings influence the research. That’s not science. It’s activism masquerading as science. To be fair, many do social research and pay attention to the data. Most of this is done through surveys or observation. Some is done by extrapolating data from other people’s research, like census data.

Allowing themselves to become political activists, sociologists weaken their credibility. Some of them, especially conflict theorists and feminists, come off as angry, arrogant psychopaths. I suspect some of them are. Some of the conflict theorists and feminists are also socialists or communists. Conflict theorists, in particular, idolize Karl Marx and his writings, even if they aren’t communists. These facts alone destroy their credibility with almost any conservative, most moderates and a few liberals as well. They openly want to change the way societies work.

On the other hand, conservatives love functionalist sociologists. To a conservative, the functionalist perspective seems the most scientific and, I admit, it does seem that they keep the most emotional distance from the topic. At times, this seems like a façade, though. Functionalists are interested in the roles that different groups play in the larger society, how they contribute to the culture at large. That includes how the poor support the rich and vice versa. The subtext is that they are interested in keeping the status quo, even if it means some people get screwed by the system.

There’s a fourth approach, interactionists, that’s interested in the way each group relates to and influence each other. That may seem a little touchy feely, but they don’t have nearly as dramatic political agendas as the others do.

I hate all of these approaches. They each have an agenda that colors their research and destroys the notion of what I think science means, the detached search for knowledge. The data should take precedence over personal interest. To me, that makes sociology inherently flawed as a science.

In spite of my own disgust with this approach, they aren’t always wrong. Functionalists have been very good at explaining how different social elements work, and how each social class contributes to the society as a whole. Interactionists have done very well in showing how members of one group can be assimilated and/or otherwise influenced by another, and how they recruit new members. Conflict theorists have shown the inherent battle between social classes over resources, and liberties and feminists have shed light on the difficulties and unequal treatment of women and the poor. In spite of their particular, often conflicting, agendas, taken together, they paint a more comprehensive picture of how society works. When we step away from the rhetoric of extremism, the data paints an interesting picture and, depending on your politics, not a very pretty one. But that’s a matter for later posts.

Of course, you’d expect to read something like this from a moderate, wouldn’t you?

Freudian Commando! Go!

For a few months, now, I’ve been taking the bus to work. I’ve not become King of the Bus People, but I have been adapting to bus culture pretty well. I’m not sure I want to become King of the Bus of the People, though. I don’t want that kind of responsibility. I’m just happy to read books or play with my iPad while the bus drivers do their thing.

The bus has actually been quite a boon for me. The drive times are about double what it would take in a car, but it’s saving me quite a bit in gas money. My work gave me the bus pass, so I’m not even paying for that.

The long drive time has been good for school, too. During the drive, I can study, so it’s really not wasted time. Only one of my textbooks is of the super-heavy think hardback variety. The rest are light paperbacks or ebooks so, I don’t often have to weigh my backpack down very often.

Riding the bus in winter has some unforeseen downsides, though. The cold is the most obvious. I’ve adapted by wearing heavy clothing, a heavy coat with hood, and gloves. Not so obvious is a side affect of wearing heavy clothing. Like everything else, they are subject to the laws of gravity and try to find the lowest point possible. Having greater mass than lighter clothing, they have an easier time of it. My coat, shirt and gloves have no problem, though. They rest on my shoulders and hands quite nicely, thank you. My boots are secure around my feet and ankles. My pants and underwear? Not so much.

Having a good belt helps with my pants, but the waistband in some of my undies has seen better days. They’re feeling their age as much as I am. After the long bus ride, they decided they were tired of hanging around my sorry butt and started to migrate towards my feet. My Id, sensing this betrayal on the part of my underclothes, started raising all kinds of alarms. “Ahhhgghh! Your pants are falling down! You’re going commando! Someone will see your butt!”

My Ego, trying to calm the Id, said, “No, no, the pants are still on. It’s just your underpants that are going south. Your butt is not visible.”

I tried recovering my underpants by grabbing them through my jeans, but they were having none of it. They just kept up the steady southward migration.

My Id went into full panic mode. “Ahhhh! Naked butt! Naked butt!” After thinking about it for a moment, my Id, being what it is, started thinking, “Maybe it would be fun to flash these people. They might want to have sex with me. I’ll pull my pants down, too!”

Thankfully, my Superego intervened. “No, no. That would cause great embarrassment and result in jail time. You must not pull your pants down.”

“You’re such a killjoy.” Id complained. My Ego was not quite relieved.

Eventually, my underwear cleared the bottom of my butt cheeks. My pants, ever defending my honor, caught them at crotch level and stopped them from having a conversation with my knees and ankles. I’d hate to think what would have happened if I was wearing a dress. Not that I’ve done that. My Id has a mind of its own, though, so I still think of things like that.

As I entered the building, my underwear at half-mast and my backside getting acquainted with backside of my jeans, I struggled to control my brain and act like nothing was wrong. I just needed to get to the bathroom near my desk without raising suspicions that I had become and accidental commando. The fact that my desk is on the opposite side of the building wasn’t helping.

In the end, I got my end covered back up without further mishap. Praise goes to my denim jeans for not joining my undies in their southern migratory pattern. As I sat back at my desk I could only think of one thing: I really need to buy new underwear.

ADHD: Developmental Challenges and Treatments

This was my final paper for Human Development Across the Lifespan. It deals with the developmental challenges facing children with ADHD, specifically, but I believe it may be beneficial for understanding many children with special needs, similar to ADHD. To be honest, I was was surprised where the research took me, in some cases. It was enlightening for me so, I thought it might be useful for others, as well.

Be warned. This is a research paper, so it is kind of long. References are included at the bottom.

ADHD: Developmental Challenges and Treatments

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, afflicts approximately three to five percent of children in the United States. With a child population of approximately 2 million, an average sized classroom of 30 children will have at least one ADHD child in it. It is difficult for ADHD children to control their behavior, creating challenges for teachers to educate them along side other children in their classrooms. It also increases the normal challenges faced by parents raising them at home.

Although we may see ADHD as something new, knowledge of this as a disorder has been around for over a century. It was first described by Doctor Heinrich Hoffman in 1845. A poet, as well as a doctor, he wrote a book called “The Story of Fidgety Phillip,” containing an accurate description of a child with ADHD. In 1902, Sir George F. Still published a series of lectures at the Royal College of Physicians in England describing a group of children with significant impulse and behavioral problems. He attributed the cause in the group to genetic dysfunctions, not poor upbringing on the part of the parent. Today, these children would easily be identified as having ADHD.

Causes of ADHD

While the cause of ADHD remains unknown, research has shown it is likely genetic and may be linked to exposure to toxic substances. Positive correlations have been found between the use of cigarettes and alcohol during pregnancy as well as lead exposure. (Mick E, Biederman J, Faraone SV, Sayer J, Kleinman S. 2002)

Studies involving brain injury have shown that some children with brain damage exhibit ADHD like symptom, but only a small number of children with ADHD have suffered traumatic brain injuries. Likewise, studies involving diet, especially sugar, have shown no correlations. In one study, where half the children were given aspartame and half sugar, the only behavioral differences found were in the perceptions of their mothers. The mothers who thought their kids were being given sugar were more critical of their child’s behavior, whether the child had actually received sugar or not. (Wolraich M, Milich R, Stumbo P, Schultz F. 1985)

The most positive correlations seem to be genetic. 25 percent of close relatives in families with ADHD children also have ADHD. The ratio in the general population is only five percent. Many studies with twins show that both twins will likely have ADHD. Each of these factors suggests a strong genetic influence. PET scans have shown a marked difference in brain functioning between a normal child and a child with ADHD, suggesting a neurological dysfunction, not just a psychological one. (Faraone SV, et. al. 2005)

Delayed Brain Development

Recent studies conducted by the National Institute of Health suggest a delay in brain development of children with ADHD, not a total dysfunction. An earlier study found that thickening of the cerebral cortex was delayed in ADHD, specifically those sections dealing with functions such as attention, cognition, language, and sensory processing. This study tracked children over a period of seven years, scanning their brains and regular intervals between age 10 and 17, and measuring both cortical thickness and cortical surface area, both of which mature during childhood. These scans showed a marked delay in the development of these areas. For example, a typical developing child attains 50 percent peak area in the right prefrontal cortex at an age of 12.7 years, on average. ADHD children didn’t reach this peak until an average age of 14.6 years. (Elsevier 2012, July)

Psychosocial Stage 3, the Preschool Years and ADHD

Because of this delay in brain development, children with ADHD will, like other special needs children, be behind their peers in some areas and may experience problems in school, socially and academically. When we consider Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, ADHD symptoms typically begin manifesting during stage 3, the preschool years. This is a time when children being to exert more control over their environment through directing play and other social interactions. Lacking self-control, such children will try to exert too much influence, meeting resistance from their peers, teachers, parents, and siblings. Lacking impulse control, this frustration is more likely to manifest as aggressive behaviors such as yelling, hitting, or throwing objects.

At this stage, children also begin to physically explore their world, taking on activities by themselves, and developing a sense of independence. Lacking impulse control, ADHD children are more likely to take on activities that are beyond their capabilities and engage in risky behaviors such as crossing the street alone or riding a bike without a helmet. They may also attempt activities that interfere with other people’s plans and activities. Adults who are supportive of the child’s attempts, and try to guide them to make more realistic choices, help the child develop initiative: independence in planning and undertaking activities. Adults who dismiss the child’s attempts as silly or bothersome contribute to the child developing feelings of guilt about their needs and desires. Adults who are frustrated by the ADHD child’s proclivity to respond in aggressive ways may be more likely to resist the child’s efforts at independence, putting ADHD children at greater risk for failure during this stage. (Berk 2010)

Psychosocial Stage 4, Early Childhood and ADHD

As children enter early childhood, they learn to cope with greater academic and social demands. Ideally this is a time to learn more complex tasks such as reading, writing, and telling time. They may also express their independence by talking back, being disobedient and rebellious. It is also at this stage that children develop a sense of morality, recognize cultural and individual differences, and can manage most of their personal needs, such as grooming and hygiene, with minimal assistance.

Because of the delay in development in areas of the brain crucial to this stage, children with ADHD are more likely to have difficulties in the early years. Children who are encouraged to make and do things, and then praised for their accomplishments, will develop diligence and perseverance in completing tasks. They will learn to delay gratification. If they are ridiculed or punished when they are incapable of meeting adult expectations, they will develop feelings of inferiority about their abilities. It should be noted, however, that because development is these crucial brain areas are delayed, the development of diligence and delay of gratification are likely to be delayed, as well.(Berk 2010)

Psychosocial Stage 5, Adolescence and ADHD

During adolescence, children explore their independence and develop a sense of self or personal identity. This transition is marked by a need to re-establish boundaries for themselves in a potentially hostile world. No matter how the child has been raised, this is the time they will choose a personal ideology for themselves. This often leads to conflicts between adults and the developing child, especially over religious, political, and sexual orientations.

Because of the developmental delays of children with ADHD, this stage is often prolonged, well into early adulthood. It is of note that this Erikson noted this same delay in person’s of particular genius. This delay can also be prolonged by the demands of taking a longer time to master certain skills within our highly technological society. It is, perhaps, because of this natural delay, that many ADHD children grow into very intelligent and technically skilled adults. The psychosocial demand for prolonging this stage may coincide with their biological delays.

Because of this natural delay, there can still be problems. Early in this stage, peers and adults may see the child as acting “like a child” and react negatively. If adults are too insistent in choosing an identity, “acting their age,” and force closure of the normal identity moratorium early, the child may give up and take on an less health identity foreclosure status. They will be less likely to integrate their sense of self within a diverse society as they enter adulthood. (Berk 2010)

Modern Treatment Modalities

Current ADHD treatments focus on reducing symptoms and improving functioning. They include medications, various forms of psychotherapy, and education. One size does not fit all. The best results seem to be from a combination of therapies. (National Institute of Mental Health 2008)

The Risks of ADHD Medications

Stimulants are the most common type of medications prescribed for ADHD ,and are by far the most controversial. The exact medication and dosage must be individualized, and it is common to try several out before finding one that seems to work, best for that patient. As with all medications, stimulants come with a wide range of side-effects, however. These side-effects, and a general misunderstanding of the causes of ADHD, create additional stresses for parents seeking to help their children, as well as the children themselves.

The most common side-effects of stimulant medications are decreased appetite and sleep problems. Some children experience upset stomach and headaches. A few children may experience slight “tics” or personality changes such as appearing to be without emotion. These side-effects are often mitigated by changing the dosage or using a different medication.

Many people are concerned that using stimulants in this way to treat ADHD may lead to substance abuse and addiction later in life. There is little evidence to support such a claim, and far more that suggests they do not. Children who take these medications do not “get high,” although some report feeling slightly different or “funny.”

In spite of being generally considered safe, there are some rare side-effects that must be noted. Patients with existing cardiovascular disease or psychological problems may have their symptoms exacerbated by stimulants, leading to stroke, heart-attack, or sudden death. A few patients report hearing voices, hallucinations, experience mania, or paranoia even when they do not have existing psychological conditions.

Non-stimulant medications also pose risks, especially in teens. Children and teens who take medications such as atoxometine more often report thoughts of suicide than their peers who do not take such medication.

The long term effects of ADHD medication on development are not known. Some researchers are concerned that administering stimulants to children will have an adverse effect on brain development. (NIMH 2008)

The Benefits of Treatment

Because a combination of therapies seems to be the best approach, removing medication as an option seems counterproductive. The question becomes do the benefits of medications outweigh the risks? There seems to be no consensus within the medical community on this. My own research has shown that many scientists cherry pick the data to support their own theories, while ignoring the rest of the data. In some cases, medication seems to have been the key element that allowed the child to participate in other forms of therapy as well as educational activities.

When a developmental perspective is taken, it seems clear that, untreated, ADHD poses severe and known risks in the long term. Failing to achieve the developmental milestones, as given in the previous examples, creates greater risk for not developing the coping and life skills required by modern living as adults, as well as greater risk for psychological disorders that may lead to physical problems, as well. They may have lower self-esteem and be unable to cope with stress, develop expertise in vocational and leisure pursuits, have healthy intimate relationships.

References

Berk, Laura E. (2010) Development Through the Lifespan (5th ed.). Boston, MA. Pearson Education, Inc.

Elsevier (2012, July). Brain development delayed in ADHD, study shows. ScienceDaily. Retrieved December 11, 2012, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/07/120730094822.html

Faraone SV, Perlis RH, Doyle AE, Smoller JW, Goralnick JJ, Holmgren MA, Sklar P. (2005). Molecular genetics of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Biological Psychiatry, 57, 1313-1323.

Mick E, Biederman J, Faraone SV, Sayer J, Kleinman S. (2002). Case-control study of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and maternal smoking, alcohol use, and drug use during pregnancy. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 41 (4) 378-385.

National Institute of Mental Health (2008). Attention-deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) (No. 08-3572). U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; Author.

Wolraich M, Milich R, Stumbo P, Schultz F. (1985) The effects of sucrose ingestion on the behavior of hyperactive boys. Pediatrics, 106 (4):657-682.

Overstressed, Underpaid

How many of you are feeling like you've got way too much stress, but not enough money? Yeah? Me too.

This has been a very difficult month for me. My Pontiac decided it was time to shuffle off to the Heavenly Racing Grounds. I can’t blame it, really. It had nearly 290,000 miles on it. I suppose it was just tired.

I can relate. I’m not sleeping well. It's a typical stress response for me. Fortunately, I'm learning all about "response patterns to threat" in my Human Development class. Now I know what it is and, according to G.I. Joe, knowing is half the battle. If I could just figure out how to deal with the other half, I'd be in good shape.

In any case, the amount it would cost to replace the engine is worth more than the car. I don't have the money in any case. What can I say? The old stereotype of the "starving student" seems to be playing out for me. Except for the starving part. We have some food storage laid aside that’s been helping keep me in the round shape I am currently in.

My other car, a Dodge van, has some problems with the front end that need to be repaired before it will pass the state safety inspection. This is a problem because I don't have the money for that, either. We need some form of transportation, given where we live so, we have to beg family members for help on this one, which also sucks.

What makes it doubly damning is that I will have to take time off work to get it fixed. Not because I have any ability to fix it myself, mind you. I just can't get to work without paying overpriced public transportation fees and taking an additional two hours out of my day riding on and/or waiting for the bus.

I really don't want to do that. That would make things suck, more.

All of this happens just in time for midterms. Ick.

On the plus side, I get to take a couple of days off work. I’ll be able to use it to catch up on my homework and maybe do a little composing. That does not suck.

Special People

Now that I’m back in school, I’m facing a dilemma. The more I’m involved going back to school the less I want to be at my day job. This isn't much of a surprise. It’s not like my current job is joyfully fulfilling. In fact, it’s downright boring and frustrating.

I currently work for the state government. Every day I get to interact with a variety of, well, let’s just call them special people. Most of the people who come in are just honest folks with questions about how to get things done. The special people, however, are just plain stupid or mean. The worst are those who are both stupid and mean at the same time. It’s hard to blame many of them for being frustrated, though. The laws that our Utah legislators have passed, mostly to get people vote for them rather than serve the common good, are confusing, conflicting and in some cases downright stupid.

It seems that the special people have somehow gotten it into their skulls that I make up the laws by pulling them out of my ass. They don’t seem to realize that the laws are made by our very special Utah legislators. They blame me, instead, yelling, threaten litigation and question my parenthood over things I have no control of. I give them the information they need to solve their problems, but when they don’t like what they hear, they get hostile. Worse are those who think they already know the answer and argue with you. I often wonder why they call if they knew the answer in the first place.

Sometimes I wonder how the special people function in life, or why we allow them to breed, vote, and drive cars. Unless you are one of these people, it should have become obvious why my job satisfaction is waning.

More and more I’d rather take my time to work on my degree. I’d like more time to practice my musical skills and do something for money that relates more to my field. Then again, I’m not sure the lack of job satisfaction is because I’ve gone back to school. Instead, I suspect it’s one of the reasons I went back in the first place.

Does the fact that I’m frustrated over this make me one of the special people?

The Joy and Horror of Student Loans

Like many people, at least those who aren't independently wealthy, whose parents are wealthy, or have a wealthy sugar daddy, I have to get financial aide to pay for school. At my age, and with a degree already, that amounts to student loans. Forget the Pell grant. I’m old, white, male, and underemployed. I have to borrow money.

I don’t like to borrow money. As a general rule, I hate debt. You wouldn’t know it, considering how much I’ve got, but I’ve learned over the years that earning interest is better than paying it.

There are three things I think it’s generally okay to go into debt for: a home, an education, and emergency medical treatment. The first two are nearly cost prohibitive without loans. The last can be unavoidable. When loss of life, limb or bodily function is concerned, you really don’t have many options.

There’s one or two more that some people might argue for: a car and vacations. I’m not a big fan of going into debt to take a vacation, although Richard Nixon was. Save up for it, and you’ll enjoy happy memories of a vacation, instead of cursing the fact you went as you make out each over-priced credit card bill.

Cars are trickier. I admit I’ve paid for card repairs with a credit card. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t feel I had a choice. I live in a car state. Public transportation is a pain, takes three times as long, and doesn’t go everywhere I need to go. Just to get to work, I need a car. It’s almost like an extension of a medical bill. Still, I’d rather not go into debt if I don’t have to.

The happy thing about student loans is that I get to go back to school. That means I can repurpose my life and create better employment opportunities leading to better ways to care for my family. I have a greater opportunity to pursue happiness in my life, instead of giving in to depression and hoping I get killed on the freeway so that my life insurance will pay for my wife and kid's livelihood.

The problem is that student loans add up fast, and are deferred. Don’t get me wrong, as a soon-to-be starving student one more bill is NOT what I need. But when I'm done, I've got pay them back. The payments come on fast and hard. Because the debt it high, they don’t get paid off very quickly, either. Not unless you suddenly become wealthy. That’s not a situation most college students find themselves right after graduation.

I didn’t go into debt lightly. It was a decision I thought quite a bit about, but the benefits seemed to outweigh the challenges. I will still be working as much as I can while going to school. I will still be supporting my family the best I can. I am sacrificing some things to try and create something better.

Now if I can just get my homework done.

Photo credit: Gabriella Fabbri

Coming Back From Limbo

You may not have noticed it, but I’ve been in limbo. The only way you didn’t notice is if this is your first time at this blog. My life took several bizarre turns into unexpected terrain over the last few years. Some of the scenery was quite nice, but frankly, most of it was treacherous.

The bottom line to this odd rambling is that, after all this time, I’m back in school. I’m not looking at being a chiropractor, anymore. Instead, I’m pursuing a degree in music therapy.

Why the change? Good question. There’s no quick answer. I thought about a lot of things, and a lot of things happened to me. I have older children and building a new career, requiring so much more time away from them, seemed unfair. There was also the cost, fear of failure, and the fact that making music is an integral part of my being.

I’m a musician; a composer. I already have a degree in it. I have to make music. It’s as if a part of me dies every day I don’t make music in some way. Whether it’s sitting down and composing, playing the piano, or singing songs and playing the guitar, it doesn’t matter. I have to make music or I go insane. Trust me. It isn’t pretty.

I actually started classes this fall at the USU extension in Tooele. The plan is to take as many of the psychology and human development classes that I can, here. Next fall, we’ll move to Logan and finish the degree at the main campus. This will allow my oldest daughter to finish high school in Tooele and give us more time to sell our house. This works out for my wife, too. She’s already pursuing a degree in Family Life Studies at USU Tooele.

So life is in flux again. That’s okay, though. I don’t mind, this time. As many uncertainties as I’m facing with this move, at least I have a direction to move in. The journey continues.

The Buddha and Colission Theory - How to Solve the Equation

In the past three years I've gotten a lot of traffic to my “Move Over Buddha” post. Some of the traffic, undoubtedly, trying to figure out the answer to the very question I was faced with:

Calculate the fraction of atoms in a sample of argon gas at 400 K that have an energy of 10.0 kJ or greater.

I know this only because I discovered that someone had left me a comment, asking for clarification.

It may help you if I explain a bit about where this comes from, and then rewrite the equation for you. Keep in mind that I haven't dealt with this kind of thing for about three years so, I'm a bit rusty. If you notice anything seriously wrong, leave a comment and let me know.

Collision Theory

With few exceptions, reaction rates increase with increasing temperature. A rule of thumb in chemistry is that an increase in temperature by 10 degrees C doubles the reaction rate. The rate constant's dependence on temperature is explained by collision theory. Collision theory assumes that, for a reaction to occur, reactant molecules must collide with an energy greater than some minimum value and with the proper orientation. This minimum energy of collision required for two reactant molecules to react is called the activation energy, or Ea.

Raising the temperature increases the fraction of molecules having high kinetic energies. These are the ones most likely to react when they collide. The higher the temperature, the larger the fraction of molecules that can provide the activation energy needed for reaction.

The fraction of reactant collisions having energy greater than the activation energy can change rapidly with even small temperature changes. It can be shown that f is related to the activation energy, Ea, by the equation

Let's define the parts of the equation:

f = frequency of molecules having a high enough kinetic energy to react (i.e. greater than the activation energy)

Ea = the energy of activation for the kind of molecule in question (i.e. argon molecules)

R = the universal gas constant (8.31 J/mol.K )

T = the absolute temperature (Kelvin)

e = the inverse natural logarithm (inverse ln).

Now, let's rewrite the equation slightly, just to help me clarify the math.

Let's add the values and units from the original problem.

The top uses kilojoules, while the bottom uses joules. Let's the top part by 1000/ k in order to bring the units on the top and bottom of the equation into agreement.  We'll also rewrite the temperature (400K) to make the math more clear.

Multiplying the top part of the equation, and the bottom part of the equation, the temperature unit (K) cancels, and the equation is somewhat simplified.

We can now invert the denominator to simplify the equation further, and make sure we deal with the units properly.

Multiplying across, the energy units (J - Joules) cancel and the equation if further simplified.

Dividing we end up with this:

Now, we take the inverse natural log of 3.0 mol and find the solution: 20.1 mol of argon.

I hope that explanation helped. If you see anything wrong with my math, or anything else. Let me know.

Please Help my Friend

I know I've not posted for a long time, but I thought it would be worth coming out of accidental hiatus to post this.

It turns out that Dan Smith, a long time friend of mine, is fighting cancer for the second time. He went in a year ago with thyroid cancer, which they thought they had treated successfully, but it's come back in a form no one expected.

You can find Dan's story here:

http://cad-comic.com/news.php?i=1668#1670
http://cad-comic.com/news.php?i=1673#1673
http://cad-comic.com/news.php?i=1673#1674
http://cad-comic.com/news.php?i=1684#1684

and here:

http://yw7.brushthralls.com/

This has hit me harder than I would have thought it might. It may be because I'm just coming out of losing my father to an aggressive brain cancer. I don't know.

Dan and I lost track of each other some years ago. There was a sort of unspoken falling out, as it were. (The details aren't important.) I've tried to make contact with him on a few occasions through email, but he's never returned them. In spite of that, I want to encourage everyone to go read Dan's story and, if you can, donate through PayPal at the http://yw7.brushthralls.com/ page, to help his family offset the medical costs.

Thank you.

Aikido is Cool

First off, let me apologize for not posting in a very long time. Life has been busy and I've had other projects that needed my attention.

One thing that has been happening, though, is I'm trying to get back into shape. I've managed to do a light workout every morning for a month, and I think I've lost four pounds.

Part of what's driven this is that I miss doing martial arts. Years ago I studied Seidokan Aikido. I loved it! I never got my black belt or anything, but I did study very seriously for a couple of years, and even did some student teaching.

Anyway, I've been missing it and I've been trying to get myself back into shape so I can start doing it again.

On a whim, I hit YouTube and did a search for "aikido." I found some pretty cool stuff. I just did the search again today and . . . oh . . . my . . . word. This guy, Anthony Yates, 6th Dan in Yoshinkan Aikido, is amazing.

Root Canals and VH1

The morning of the first dental treatment went well. I woke up early, nervous as a fly at a frog convention. I took a shower, got dressed, found my wallet and keys, and headed out the door.

Arriving at the dentist's office I was greeted with a smile by the receptionist, a nice brunette in her late 40's. “Hello, Mr. Newman! How are you this morning?”

“I'm okay,” I lied.

“Good!,” the receptionist beamed. “Just take a seat and they'll be ready for you in a minute.”

“Don't you want me to pay you, first?” I questioned.

“No, usually we do that after. Sometimes more things get done, and sometimes less, depending on what happens.” she replied, confidently.

“Are you sure you don't want me to pay you now? I might not be in the mood to pay you after.” I asked, only half joking.

She paused and turned her chair towards me, looking off into space, her smile full of chagrin. “You may have a point.” She said, her eyebrows raised. “I've never thought about it that way.”

Seeing I'd turned her brain upside down, I felt my work was done and sat down to wait. There was a young mother and her 3 year old son waiting ahead of me but, much to their consternation, they called me in first.

“John?,” the blond, twenty-something dental assistant called. “Do you want to come back now?”

I got up from my chair and started going back to the treatment chairs. “Is that a trick question?”

Seated in the off-white chair, I was offered a remote control for the small, LCD television strategically mounted to the ceiling above. “Would you like to watch a little TV? Take you mind off being here a little bit?”

“Sure.” I said. “Thanks.”

It was about 8:10 in the morning and the only thing on most of the broadcast channels was news. I didn't need more stress, so I avoided all that. There was a golf game going on on ESPN. That was at least relaxing but, I don't like watching golf on TV. At least, not for very long.

After surfing through the channels a few times, I found three possible programs I could handle: an old episode of Pokemon on cartoon network, Xena – Warrior Princess, and VH1. I flipped between Pokemon and Xena a few times, getting quickly bored with each (was Xena this cheesy when I was younger?), and settled on a Lenny Kravitz video on VH1. Not bad. I sat in the chair, closed my eyes and listened to the music for a while.

Then a Britanny Spears Video came on an I went back to Pokemon until it was over.

The dentist, Dr. HS, came over, along with a cute assistant, a brunette, this time. I turned off the TV so I could give him my full attention. That, and I don't want to associate music with pain.

We exchanged pleasantries, I assured him it wasn't the work I was worried about so much as the needles, and so he got started strait away torturing me with the needles.

I've really got to be careful about what I say, in the future.

“Just little pinch,” he said, as he poked me on the outside part of my gums. It was just a pinch, too. Good for you, Doc.

“Just one more pinch,” he said, and then he poked me on the inside of my toothline. Dentists have a strange notion of what 'pinches' are like. Sure. Maybe a pinch from Godzilla's claws. I have to give it to Dr. HS, though. It didn't hurt for as long as I was used to for such things.

The dentist went away for awhile, to give the anesthetic time to kick in, so I turn the TV back on. After a couple of music videos, and some more channel surfing, he came back and got started on the root canal. To be honest, it went pretty fast. I was nervous watching all the weird tools he was using and listening to the drill, but it was over quicker than any I've had before.

After giving me false hope for less painful procedures to come, he brought back the needles to numb me for the rest of the work, a couple of extractions. As I sat there in the chair, smashing the ends of the arm rests under my grip and involuntarily groaning because of the continued torture, it occurred to me that I was actually going to pay this guy to hurt me. How sick is that?

The extractions went well, except for the last one. I could feel every poke, prod, pull, and twist with terrible exactness. Dr. HS got his needles out to “numb me up more” he said. I think it was just to get me to stop complaining about the other pain.

“Here! I'll give you something really painful to complain about!” I imagined him saying.

He didn't say anything of the sort, of course. But he still poked me with nasty sharp needles.

The anesthetic wouldn't take though. He'd try and get it out, I'd cringe and shout, and he'd give me more shots. It took six shots of, two or three absolutely excruciating ones directly into the nerves of the tooth (which about took me out of the chair and onto the ceiling), to get me numb enough to do the work. Dr HS estimated it was about three gallons worth.

When he came back once more to pull the last one I was seriously thinking of telling him just to yank the darn thing, regardless of how I was feeling, just to avoid the needles. Thankfully, three gallons had been enough.

It occurred to me that it was a good thing I never served in an actual war when I was in the USMC. If the torturers there had been trained as well as my dentist, I'd have rolled over like a bag of wet fish.

After it was done he took a couple more x-rays, just to make sure he'd gotten everything. I was fortunate in that he'd done his job right the first time and didn't have to get back into the chair. (No more torture, please! I'll talk, really I will!)

I headed back to the reception desk to pay my bill and pick up the prescriptions. “Great interrogation session Doc!” I said to myself. “Lot's of pain. I don't think I'll give you a tip, though.”

After paying the receptionist I realized how they got people to pay them for all the torture. The receptionist was the keeper of the prescription slips. Thank goodness my prayers have been answered. Dr HS gave me a prescription for Percocet, my old pain killing friend, and an antibiotic.

The dental assistant gave me directions on how and when to replace the gauze in my mouth. “You can remove it when you eat and drink of course,” she said.

I shook my head, wondering what gave her the idea I'd want to eat anything for the rest of the week, let alone that day.

After it was over, and my credit card balance was a little higher, I drove directly to the pharmacy to fill the prescriptions. The pharmacist asked, “Are you going to the dentist, or are you coming back?”

“Just got done,” I mumbled through the bloody gauze in my mouth.

“Oh, okay. I won't make you talk to me anymore, then.” he said, smiling sheepishly. I was grateful.

The rest of the day was a blur of pain, Percocet, and pirates. The dentist had told me to sit up to help keep the swelling down so I sat in my wife's blue recliner and watched the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. All three of them. Back to back. Mostly I just swallowed the pills, felt sleepy and drugged, and wondered how I could have a headache even while on Percocet.

Oh yeah. The girls kept fighting after they got home from school. That's when I got the headache. It's hard to tell what mood I'm in when I'm drugged out of my mind, I guess.

Several hours later, I finally removed the last of gauze. Most of the bleeding had stopped, and I just couldn't take it filling my mouth, anymore. After a few more hours of TV, water, and an upset stomach from the pills, I went to bed.

Thankfully, I felt a lot better in the morning. Not so much pain. I just felt like I'd been put through a clothes wringer and come out the other end.

Oh, yeah. I kind of did.